The Foundation of Friendship
“Hitherto they have been perfect friends; henceforth they are Blood-relations – relations in a blood more intimate to them than their own – a Blood shed for the remission of sins.”
In his book, The Friendship of Christ, Robert Benson writes about the moment in John 19 where Jesus is on the cross and speaks to his mother Mary and John his beloved disciple, both gathered in agony watching him die. Mary and John, writes Benson, have seen Christ in the joy of intimacy – Mary at his birth and during his adolescence, John at his side in the Last Supper. But here, where the two witness Jesus in pain at his lowest point, something unique happens: Mary and John see each other.
It’s Jesus that makes this happen, or more precisely, his pain that does. At the moment of his death, his blood flowing from the cross, Jesus gives the two to each other:
26 When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing beside her, he said to his mother, “Woman, here is your son.” 27 Then he said to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” And from that hour the disciple took her into his own home.
Why does Jesus do this? Faithfulness brought Mary and John there. They never left Jesus, as even some disciples did, when great fear threatened to eclipse Jesus in his hour of need. The quiet courage Mary and John displayed surely told Jesus that he could trust them to care for one another.
But what Jesus does in this moment is deeper than this. It’s not just a social arrangement he’s making as his death approaches. Jesus is creating a family. And it’s how he does it that has much to say to us.
It’s in their shared pain where Jesus meets Mary and John, and the bond they receive from him is forged in this sorrow. This is important. Jesus is demonstrating here that what he creates in and out of present heartache will not be undone by future woes. While happiness can be fleeting and situational, what the heart learns in sorrow it rarely forgets. You have to find the floor before you can begin to build on it, and this is as true relationally as it is physically.
So Jesus abides with his people in anguish, at what surely was their lowest point. And here he makes them family. He gives Mary another son. He makes John his brother. I’m reminded of the words of Hebrews 2:11:
For the one who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one Father. For this reason Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters.
Jesus is still in the business of making families this way, in the shedding of his blood, in meeting people at the depths of sorrow to remind them they are not alone. When all seemed lost for Mary and John, Jesus spoke words of comfort that carried a concrete reality. Hope was not lost. The care that Mary and John would show for one another would forever remind them of the Son who brought them together – and on the other side of resurrection, the Savior who remained with them.
We know that in the family of faith there is joy and sorrow to share. Romans 12:15 tells us to rejoice and weep together. The next year will bring many opportunities to show the love of Christ in how we shoulder burdens and blessings together. Even now, as I write this in between doctors visits and procedures and big questions about the future, in the bad news and the good news God has continuously brought encouragement through the love of those he has given me and my family to. My prayer for us is that every time we gather for celebrations and fellowship, for prayer and intercession, for communion and Scripture, that we would look around and see brothers and sisters brought together by the blood of Christ with a deeper bond than the world could ever imitate or separate. What God has united, in the heights and the depths, remains in His embrace. And I am so grateful to be there with you.
- Caleb Saenz
